Candles and Blue Eyes
by theultimatezb
Summary: Prompt: Lexa has nightmares. Her memories of war and death haunt her. She is afraid of the dark. That's it. That's where her candle obsession comes from. She literally needs them. She always sets them up because she can't handle the dark. Clarke finds out.


She couldn't remember every detail like she used to, but the very last thing that appeared in her dream before she woke up with a start, hands balled into fists and the uncomfortable feeling of sweaty skin against damp sheets was Costia's head in a box, like her lover's head – those dark brown curls and hazel eyes – like her lover's life was nothing but trash tossed into a tattered brown box.

Lexa sat up against the headboard, taking in deep breaths to help calm the storm in her chest. There was an equally violent storm outside, which explained the darkness in the room. The fires from the candles were all extinguished by the strong wind, and she had detected the cold temperature of her usually warm and cosy bedroom after being woken up by her nightmare. Despite the thin material of the nightgown she was wearing, the cold didn't bother her. Rain and freezing temperatures were part and parcel of life as a Trikru warrior.

She felt tears on her cheeks and quickly wiped them away. It wasn't unusual for Lexa to wake up from a nightmare with tear tracks on her face, but it had seldom gotten that far, that painful before Lexa wakes up from it.

She willed her lips to stop quivering in the night, unclenched her fists and got out of bed. It would be hard for her to go back to sleep without the light from the candles surrounding her, and the winds would make it impossible for the flames to remain alive and flickering in its place.

Lexa stood in front of the huge window and looked out into the dark greyness of the night, hoping the bit of rainwater that managed to enter her bedroom would drown her and extinguish the residual fear and anxiety – like the candles in her room – that had left her slightly more rattled than usual, unable to let sleep take over her exhausted body this time. The thunders barely startled her, the crushing weight of her ghosts were thudding against her ribcage and a blaring white noise in her ears.

But she couldn't miss the muffled and familiar voice even if she wanted to, right on the other side of the door.

"Come in." Lexa's voice was soft yet firm, and Clarke wasn't sure what she'd find when she enters the Commander's room in the middle of the night.

The blonde pushed the door opened and was immediately enraptured by the sight before her. Lexa was standing in front of the window, curtains flowing around her as she wore that same black and silky nightgown from the other night, her back tattoos on display for Clarke.

It was cold, Clarke thought as a strong gust of wind swept past her sending shivers down her spine. She wrapped the robe around her tighter before hugging herself. The next thing she realized was how dark Lexa's bedroom was, when lit candles were almost always surrounding her wherever she went. How could Lexa stand there, wearing next to nothing and not feel cold at all?

Clarke took small steps towards Lexa, bare feet brushing against rugs. When she was near enough, she noticed that the brunette's body was shaking even though her face showed no emotions.

"You're shaking."

Clarke looked around before her eyes landed on the blankets on Lexa's enormous bed and hurried over to grab it and drape it over Lexa's shoulders. The sudden feeling of furs against her bare shoulders made her jump in surprise and startled her out of the constant struggle in her head, bringing her a temporary reprieve.

The blonde then pulled the Commander towards the leather sofa, her hands on fur covered shoulders pushing down gently for Lexa to take a seat. Clarke then sat next to Lexa, a little too close than necessary, and she wondered if Lexa could feel her warmth when their limbs were barely touching.

"Are you okay?" Clarke asked gently as the two of them sat next to each other in the darkness.

Lexa didn't look okay. She looked distant, the glint and warmth in her green eyes that were always present when it was just the two of them, just Clarke and Lexa, were missing.

The Commander shook her head slightly and then nodded, taking in a deep breath before answering Clarke. "I am fine."

Clarke frowned, she knew Lexa well enough by now to know when she was lying. "You know you can tell me anything, right? It's just me."

Lexa sighed. Even in the darkness of the room, she could still see how bright Clarke's blue eyes were. She looked into those eyes, it suddenly reminded her of all those candles, the fire burning bright and keeping her unafraid and alive.

Except the blaze in Clarke's eyes would never die.

She swallowed down the lump in her throat painfully before speaking. "I get nightmares."

Clarke didn't respond, but her hand had found Lexa's and was squeezing in comfort and for Lexa to go on.

"Sometimes I wake up before it gets bad. But tonight…" She looked away, unable to meet Clarke's eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Costia has been a common reoccurrence in most of them. Tonight her head was sent to me in a box and last night it was sent to me on a pike. Sometimes I can hear Nia's voice taunting me, Costia's haunting me."

Lexa wasn't aware of how tight she was clutching onto Clarke's hand by then, but the blonde didn't say anything about the slight discomfort.

"I get nightmares too."

"Is that why you are here? You can't sleep?"

Clarke shook her head. "The storm. I'm still not used to it." And she wasn't sure what made her decide to walk over to Lexa's room, but she had a feeling the brunette wasn't asleep too.

"I see." Lexa nodded. "I can't sleep, too. Not without the candles lit. They make me feel safe."

This was huge. Lexa was admitting something to Clarke, and the blonde tried not to make a big deal out of it. "So that's why you always have a gazillion candles in every room?"

The blonde smirked and Lexa couldn't help the small smile from forming on her face at Clarke's teasing. Then, the edges of Lexa's lips were pulled downwards.

"Fire is pure. One of the purest things in life," _and you, Clarke._ "It helps fend off the ghosts that haunt me every day."

Clarke's face fell too, and both girls weren't aware of the way their thighs were touching, hands still clasped securely on Lexa's lap. Lexa looked so young and small, dark circles under tired green eyes, the fur blanket thick and large almost engulfing her whole. It just made Clarke want to wrap yet another blanket around the brunette and light a hundred candles around her if it meant keeping her safe and well rested.

Clarke stood up and pulled Lexa up onto her feet too before walking the both of them towards the bed. The candles would have to wait till the winds die down, but they should at least try to get some sleep before the sun rises and they'd both resume their respective duties as Heda and Wanheda.

She nudged Lexa towards the bed as they reached the foot of it and only slipped into it once the Commander was lying under the blankets. They were both lying on their sides, facing each other and sharing the same pillow. They were close enough to feel the puffs of air breathed out from each other. Clarke reached down to bring Lexa's hand up between their bodies, fingers intertwined for the second time that night. Lexa tightened her grip and they stare into each other's eyes, waiting for sleep to arrive.

This time, it didn't matter that the candles weren't lit and casting comforting shadows on her bedroom walls. Clarke's blue eyes were bright and warm enough to send her into her first peaceful sleep in a long time, the fear and anxiety that candles and flames helped to diminish already disappeared from her aching limbs and heavy heart, making Lexa feel much lighter against the softness of the sheets.

Clarke was the last thing she saw before she fell asleep, and the first thing she saw when she woke up in the morning.

Candles were no longer a necessity by the fifth time they shared a bed that week – but a comforting presence to keep them warm at night and create a soft glow around exquisite features for one another to appreciate and stare in affection before sleep overtook them.


End file.
